whoisjohngalt25:

So this happened a month or so back but I thought I’d add it anyway since it seemed like such a good story :)

So sometime in my coming-outness this conversation came up:

Mom: I had a friend once who was asexual! We met in the service (my mum was in the Army)

Me: How did that go? I mean, still friends?

Mom: I haven’t seen her since I was in the Army but she was pretty cool. She and I and a different friend of mine where really tight back then… Interesting story about that, actually…

Me: Do tell.

Mom: Well she was asexual and he was gay. Back then there were only a few ways to get out of military service immediately and permanently; one was you just had to tell your commanding officer that you were gay. So anyway just the three of us knew and he had these super close-minded but filthy-rich parents who had this dream of watching their son marry the perfect girl. They told him he had a year to get married to a good woman or they would cut him off entirely. So he decided to marry my asexual friend! He would get to keep his money and his family, she was happy she got to live with a good friend and help him out, and both where happy they didn’t have to sleep together. He was free to see whoever he wanted and they went shopping together because he had the best fashion sense and even though they weren’t “in love” they were the cutest couple EVER.

Me:…..

Mom:…..

Me:…..

Mom:…..

Me: You had the coolest friends!!!!!

(via fyeahqueerplatoniczucchinis)

starklyinaccurate:

The fact that many people consider touch as being something sexual and private.

I am a naturally tactile person. I love touching somebody else’s skin, feeling their warmth, hugging, cuddling, petting, whatever have you. Years of abuse and violence have me wary and tentative about touch, to the point that I’ve had panic attacks about people touching me and worn long sleeves and gloves for years through the worst of Florida heat. Even now, I can’t sometimes handle being touched without panicking and it’s difficult to find people that I trust enough to get over that rising panic.

But there is still one main fact about me: if I trust you and like you, I’ll (eventually) be all over you like an octopus. 

And I wish so hard that people (mostly Americans) didn’t consider these things to be sexual or romantic, but merely friendship. 

You might wonder why I’m writing about this now. Basically, my aunt Carmen and my cousin Alain are coming to visit and he’s bringing along his girlfriend. He, his older brother Andy, my other cousin Juan Carlos and I grew up together. We were extremely close as children, we’ve shared clothes and beds. I’ve slept next to him more times than I can count. 

Last time I was in Florida, Andy and I talked and I was my usual self, as I am always with him. Later, my mom took me aside and told me to tone it down, that his girlfriend disliked it and me and was jealous, that she thought I was trying to take him away from her and that we should stop spending time together.

But…we’re family. Even if we’re not related by blood. I have no interest in having a sexual relationship with any one of them. I’m just openly affectionate, we grew up together. 

And now, I don’t know how to act in respect to Alain and his girlfriend. I don’t want to seem aloof, but I also don’t want to make her hate me. 

It just upsets me so that people might mistake my touch this way. :( 

outlawroad:

Not that food!porn is invalid because I’m totally into that too. I have no idea how many late nights I’ve spent looking at food!porn online but it’s a handful.

Yet the idea that an asexual’s porn is categorically something other than actual graphic fucking is simply untrue.

Nothing wrong with disliking porn. At all. Nothing wrong with finding it repulsive or boring or offensive, even. Nothing wrong with not having a sex drive or not masturbating.

I guess this is just my friendly reminder that some asexuals use Actual Porn. I use it because it’s the only thing that gets me full-blown aroused in a minute or two, when I’m in the mood to masturbate. I can certainly masturbate without full-blown arousal, but it goes quicker and feels better when I am fully turned on.

And just for your edification: I’m pretty omnivorous as a porn consumer, I do have certain kinks that really turn me on, and I also have things (like BDSM) that I don’t like at all. I don’t care what the people in the porn look like, for the most part. Sex is sex, and as long as it’s graphic sex I’m looking at or reading, it’ll get the job done for me.

So, if you’re an allosexual, don’t assume that all aces dislike or do not use porn.

(via outlawroad-deactivated20130412)

I’ve seen a lot of people post about how they have found the topic of their asexuality to be problematic when visiting a therapist. I sympathise with them because I know what it is like to be presumed wrong about your own identity, however, I just wanted to share that there is hope and not all asexuals need fear therapy.

My asexuality first came up with my therapist when he was asking about my teenage relationships, making a casual comment of how he knew libido could run riot. I just told him not for me, I’m asexual.

He asked what I meant by that and I explained and he merely looked a little surprised, saying he hadn’t heard of the term before but he knew of people like that and dropped the subject.

My asexuality also came up in my psychiatric assessment. When asked about relationships I mentioned I was asexual and he asked what do you mean by that, to which I began explaining asexuality only to be stopped with a smile as he said, yes I know the term, I meant what does it mean for you.

To be honest I was a little caught of guard, I’m used to having to explain what asexuality is to almost everyone I mention it to.

So I went on to tell him how I’d never felt attracted in that way and that I had just assumed that it would come as I got older but I’m nineteen, I kind of am older, that’s when I sort of figured I was asexual.

He just chuckled at my comment and agreed in a friendly tone that yes I was kind of older . He accepted it as it was, a slightly funny story of being ignorant of your own sexuality until the ‘Oh, I get it now’ moment. It was not an issue. 

I like in the U.K. and my mental health is treated by the NHS, I have had only good experiences with them and my asexuality. I can’t vouch for all mental health professionals  but I can confirm that there are at least some who understand asexuality and treat it as a sexuality, not a symptom. 

metapianycist:

I think it is accurate to say that there was one time in my life, ever, that I have experienced sexual attraction to a person. The sexual attraction to that person did not start developing until after I’d known him for a year. The best way I can describe it is that I was experiencing a desire to involve sexuality in my interactions with him not for any particular reason other than a sense of “this relationship will be more valuable to me if sexuality were involved.” It’s hard to describe it in words. I did value and enjoy the sexual activity he and I had, while my queerplatonic-fuckbuddy-esque relationship with him lasted.

That happened when I was 20. I’m 23 now, and six months away from being 24. I’m not sexually attracted to lunasspecto and I’m not betting on becoming sexually attracted to him. The way I seem to experience my sexuality is that I am incapable of developing a sexual attraction to a person who is not already sexually attracted to me (I know that this is also not typical of demisexuals). It doesn’t bother me that I will probably never experience sexual attraction to my current partner (who is asexual). It also doesn’t bother me to imagine the possibility that I might never experience sexual attraction again in my life.

It goes without saying that I’m pretty sure I’m incapable of experiencing sexual attraction to strangers, which is why I think demisexuality describes me well. For convenience I describe myself and will continue to describe myself as asexual, because that’s how I have experienced myself for 22 out of the 23 years I have been alive.

nextstepcake:

I’m going to be helping give a workshop on making asexual safe spaces this weekend at a youth conference for the GSA network, and one of the things we’re hoping to do is share the voices of more aces than just the presenters.

In particular, we’re looking for your own words about any experiences you may or may not have had with groups like Gay-Straight Alliancesm or Pride or Spectrum groups, or other LGBT or Queer groups:

Did things go well?

Did things go not so well?

Do you prefer to seek out such spaces? why or why not?

Do you have access to such spaces?

Do you feel welcome in such spaces? As a queer person? as an ally?

Any quotes would be anonymous, and really anything helps - even just a few sentences. If you’ve posted anything on the subject that you wouldn’t mind letting us share, that would also be awesome. 

If you have anything to add, please feel free to message me, submit, or just add it in a reblog! It would be a huge help to us, and I think it does good to have voices from a wide variety of experiences and perspectives.

-Many Thanks

psyche2332:

I thought it would be a good idea to try and open a discussion on the intentionality between asexuality and race again. I have noticed there has been some discourse on being a asexual and being a black female, and since I am Asian (Chinese, to be more precise ) and female, I thought it would be a good idea to contribute my thoughts as well.

Ironically, what brought this on was a recent viewing on the Documentary “I am Bruce Lee”

For those who haven’t seen it, well, there is a small section where the interviewees essentially praised Bruce Lee for “putting balls on Asian men”

I do plan on giving my thoughts on that matter, but since I am female, I’ll start with my own gender first, I guess, and how my racial descent intersects (or would) my sexual and romantic orientation

I say would, because, well, for the most part, I haven’t used the term asexual and or/aromantic with my friends. At most, they know that I am not romantically attached.

and I imagine that it I were to come out to the closest, the response I would get is one of disbelief. and If I were to tell them that I was celibate, it would be the same response.

Why?

In no small part, due to the common perception that Asian women are sexually/romantically suppressed and oppressed.

You’ve probably come across the stereotype, haven’t you? Asian parents are strict, want their children to focus on their studies or their musical instrument, they (especially the fathers) don’t let their daughters date, they don’t discuss sex and aren’t physically affectionate, etc. etc. (quick example? Karate kid (2010)).

So yeah, if I told people that I don’t like kissing/cuddling/holding hands/sex/dating, what do I imagine people are going to say?

Becuz parents! (or something along those lines)

But here’s the thing

Maybe my parents didn’t hug me, maybe they we didn’t talk about sex all that much (most of the knowledge I gained there was from school)

But have you ever considered the possibility that that was because I had no interest in talking about sex either? That the reason why romantic relationships was never discussed in my family, was because I had no interest in pursing romantic relationships? That I have no problem with the lack of physical affection because I never desired it?

It’s effectively the same problem. I am exercising my agency, but unfortunately society will have a greater difficulty seeing it that way