There are some quizzes, but believe me, they are rubbish. However, you can ask Asexual Advice or take a look at Asexual Education.
Hi everyone,
My name is Karen and I’m a sociology postgraduate student at the University of Glasgow, Scotland. For my Masters dissertation, I am conducting research on the topic of asexuality and disability: specifically exploring the experiences of people who self-identify as asexual and have a disability, and looking at the ways in which asexuality and disability might ‘intersect’. I’m recruiting people to take part in an online (individual) interview with myself – and I was hoping that some of you might be interested in taking part!
I am interesting in hearing from folks all along the asexuality spectrum, and of all genders, relationship orientations, nationalities etc. I am also working with a broad definition of ‘disability’ – what is important is that you consider yourself to be a disabled person, or that you consider yourself to be disabled in some way.
It’s also really really important that you are over the age of 18!
If you think you might be interested, you can send me an email at 0705067c@student.gla.ac.uk and I’ll then send you a plain language information sheet which will give you a lot more details about the study (as well as my full name, contact details for my supervisor and University ethics committee). Once you have read that you can decide whether or not you want to take part. By contacting me you are in no way committing yourself to taking part - and if after reading the information sheet you decide that it is not for you, then that’s absolutely fine too! I’m also more than happy to address any questions or concerns that you might have about the research.
Thanks very much for reading this – and I hope to speak to some of you soon!
Best wishes,
Karen
(via asexualeducation)
Siggy writes about how some members of his social circle reacted to knowing he was asexual.
This happened a few times in my boyfriend’s circle of friends. It’s a fairly typical circle of friends in that it consists of people who are mostly the same age, race, and social class. This particular circle consists mostly of gay white educated young men. They’re my friends too, of course, and I have nothing against them.
A year ago, one of these men, named J, found out that my boyfriend and I were going to an asexual meetup that weekend. Meetups are something we do on occasion. We go to a cafe and have casual conversations about whatever people like. More often than not, what we discuss has nothing to do with asexuality. J seemed to have a different image in mind though. J accused my boyfriend, over instant messages, of getting into a sexless relationship for me. He said I was trying to convert him to asexuality.
Growing up asexual in Christian purity culture was weird, though I didn’t realize it at the time.
I wasn’t immersed in the strictest of it. I never took a purity pledge or went to a purity ball. I certainly was never expected to “court” rather than date. (I didn’t date much, but that’s a story for another time.) I knew, though, that my parents and the members of my church expected that I wouldn’t have sex until I were married, and that I was supposed to regard premarital sex as sinful. There were a lot of other messages floating around about how I had to be prepared to resist this strong temptation, and I was. I was so prepared.
I was not, however, tempted.
Seconding the “it was weird” thing. It was really, really weird.
I never had a purity ball or whatever, but I did take “purity pledges” and I think at one point I wore a purity ring. I’ve never liked rings, though, so I didn’t wear it for long haha.
I wasn’t really that smug about it, but I was judgemental. The whole “This is SO easy! Why are you having such a hard time with it?!?” thing was a recurring theme throughout my time with the church, and, when I finally found out about asexuality (a year or two after I left the church) my feelings and non-struggle with “purity” made a lot of sense.
(Source: greenchestnuts)
( Link to original post here: http://nextstepcake.wordpress.com/2013/03/09/asexual-research-reading-group-proposal/)
In a recent tumblr discussion this week, the idea was brought up of having some kind or reading group for aces (and others!) interested in discussing asexual research and other issues about asexuality in academia; I hope to continue the discussion here and get something started.
My current thoughts on a possible format would be something like this:
Each week, we read a new article, with someone perhaps making a detailed summary available to those who cannot access the original article or finding another way to get everyone access.
Next, we have some sort of a skype or other chat group to discuss; ideally we set up a defined period (~1 hours) when as many as possible can make it for a formal discussion of that week’s article. (although the group would remain open at other times as well if anyone wants to talk about anything else. Times will probably be chosen by doodle poll; if time zones become an issue, we could split up into multiple groups if needed)
After that has concluded, we post a transcript of the skype group (s), links to the paper (and summary if already available) on a static page, where asynchronous discussion can take place (proposals include Asexual Agenda, if they’re cool with it, or failing that I can host here).
Another idea is for a volunteer (probably whoever chose that weeks article) to write up a summary of the article and some of the main points to make available for a more casual audience, if no summary exists.
Also, a question for those interested:
1. Is skype an acceptable format for everyone for the initial real-time discussion? If not, what other platform do you suggest?
Also, if you have any other questions, comments, or suggestions – or just want to say you might be interested – feel free to leave a comment on the original post here:
**PLEASE keep all responses on the original page; that’s what it’s for! It’s much easier to see all opinions when they’re together in one place. Thanks!**
Link here: http://nextstepcake.wordpress.com/2013/03/09/asexual-research-reading-group-proposal/
[signal boost]
(via fuckyeahaces)
I feel terrible. I’ve never been with/kissed or properly wanted to be close to anyone. I sometimes feel a little curious and might like to experiment with a man non-sexually like holding hands or a very informal “date”. The idea of kissing or sex is disgusting to me. I’ve occasionally lurked the asexuality forums for the last 10 years but each time I reject the asexual identity in favour of - apathy, depression, aspergers, paranoia, phobias, personality issues/disorder, lack of social skills, lack of friends, lack of desire to have friends, a solitary nature, being a bit weird, anger problems, a history of thyroid problems (currently normal) and severe anxiety.
Under a cut because this post is long.
“asexual men exist” oh my god shut up now look
i know it’s exhausting to be told you’re only ace because you’re a cis woman (and that demisexuality is “default female sexuality” or whateverthefuck)
i know it’s exhausting to be a cis man and told you can’t be really asexual
but just. fucking. perspective?
cis men, you have david jay to point to, someonewho’s been interviewed countless times and is supremely visible and long-term ace id’d. cis women, you have swankivy and sbb and all these visible awesome activists with very different histories.
where are all the resource/definition/explanation/visibility/101 posts saying, i dunno,
- “asexual trans women exist!”
- “asexual trans men exist!”
- “asexual non-binary people exist!”
- “asexual trans* people aren’t necessarily asexual because of dysphoria!”
- “asexual non-binary people aren’t necessarily non-binary because they aren’t sexually attracted to any gender!”
- “these two identities may or may not be related for any particular person!”
??????????
i mean isn’t that maybe more critical for people who get told their very genders don’t exist either. maybe.
(Source: apersonwithboundariesokay)
Hey so
I’m Asian and asexual aromantic, or at least on the asexual/aromantic spectrum.
Some time after I became more conscious of different sexual orientations, I think I’ve maybe started to question my own. At first I pretty much assumed that I was heterosexual. Maybe because that’s what society expects, and my parents expects (even though they’re pretty open minded about stuff like this.)
More or less I realized that I was honestly not attracted to anyone, sexually or romantically. I may think somebody’s good looking or really want to be friends with them, but nothing that remotely leans into the sexual or romantic area.
At this point, it should be noted that I’m currently a junior high student. The thing about this is that first, I’m afraid of my orientation (or lack thereof) as not being taken “legitimately” because I’m young- heck, in Personal Development class, we “learn” to “not label ourselves too early” because “labels limit you” (which may be true to an extent but they forgot the part where labels may be something that gives minorities security because they’re not the only ones). I even wonder if my asexuality is “legitimate” because of my age, even when I know sexuality is fluid.
And it feels like a lot of other junior high students are very into romance and relationships and such, which is pretty normal. Who likes/has a crush on who, who’s dating who is a pretty big thing, I suppose. I just hope that people actually believe me when I say that I do not like anyone in the way they’re thinking. I know it may sound somewhat petty but knowing that the response to “I don’t have a crush on anyone” will most likely be “Oh sure you don’t. Who is it? Tell me~” just feels invalidating about my asexuality. Maybe I “shouldn’t need anyone else’s validation.” For the most part I don’t. I still don’t want that part of my identity just ignored as a “phase” and whatnot.
And I do get platonic “crushes” but so far I haven’t really tried to approach any of them because they’re mostly males (as far as I know) and people will think that approach is somehow romantic. I don’t want to get sucked into gossips and relationship dramas.
And second is that I’m afraid people will somehow link the fact I’m asexual aromantic to the fact I’m Asian, because of all those stereotypes- always studying, strict parents who don’t allow their kids to date, etc. Or rather, people may think that my asexuality is “really just a result of you repressing your sexuality because you study a lot/have strict parents.” ((Truth is, I don’t spend that much time studying and my parents aren’t THAT strict, they don’t care if I date or what.))
On the bright side, people I’ve (casually) told so far that I’m asexual aromantic didn’t give a negative reaction. Just “oh okay.” I didn’t exactly announce it to the world, but if I do there won’t be a major shitstorm, so to speak. Which is obviously a good thing.
[…]
Many will say, “Why is it important to have your orientation acknowledged on a site for sexual health? It has nothing to do with you if you don’t have sex!” I always hear people ask, “Why do you need awareness for asexuality?! You guys don’t have any hardships to overcome!” I am used to having my sexual orientation ignored by the masses and insulted by the ignorant, but it is this silence and lack of awareness that is the problem.
Until I was 19, I did not know asexuality was an orientation. Like tons of other important things, sexuality was hardly discussed in sex ed class. But when I was as young as 16, I did know I did not want to have sex. In fact, the very thought of having sex made me anxious to a point of preventing me from having relationships during middle school and high school, when teens are starting to date. But I did not know what was wrong with me. Because there had to be something wrong with me; I knew that there were gay people, straight people, and bi people, but I was not any of those things. There had to be something wrong if I was not one of those three things, right? Right.
If there was something wrong with me, doctors would find it. Because that’s what doctors do, they find things that are wrong, they help people. So at 18, the summer before college, I went to my gynecologist and explained my lack of sexual desire. I had blood work done, and an invasive, painful pelvic exam. The only time anything had entered me was at 18 by my OBGYN after I previous explained my fear and hatred of being touched. (Irony.) The exam showed nothing wrong. My blood work was normal. I was healthy. The doctor said it was mental, that I should see a therapist.
So I did. When I entered college, I started seeing a therapist for my sexually defunct nature. For months I went to this therapist, and spilled my heart about my hatred of sex, my dislike of being touched, and my dispare at feeling like a broken human being. I told my therapist about every drunken time I tried to touch another person, men and women, trying to force myself in my drunken stupor to enjoy being touched, to enjoy touching. I told about how every time, even in my drunk state, I hated it. The therapist told me to masturbate, that it would jump start me sexual desire. When that did not work, I had the therapist claimed I must have been sexually abused as a child; I remember, for a moment, thinking maybe I was, even thought deep down I knew no such thing ever happened. I was willing to believe I was sexually abused as a child, at the suggestion of a professional, in an attempt to find a reason for my brokeness.
Finally it became too much. I went to Anna, the one person I trusted more than anyone at my school. She is the openly queer student affairs head at my college, and I trusted her so, so much. I went to her office one day, and just broke down crying. I spilled everything: the sexual hatred and fear, the inability of doctors to cure me, my loneliness and self-hatred. And then she said, “Carly, it’s okay. I just think you’re asexual.”
I was 19 before I heard that word in such a context. I was 19-years-old before another human being acknowledged that I was not broken, defunct, sexually repressed, closeted, or ill. I was 19-fucking-years-old before I was able to look at myself and not completely hate what I saw, and was able to accept myself as I was.
This is why we need education and awareness. This is why Planned Parenthood needs to include asexuality on its website. Because I lived years hating myself, not knowing what my true nature was, not knowing I cannot fix what isn’t broken. And I don’t doubt that there is another 16-year-old in my old situation, looking from a cure to their problem, hoping to find why they feel like such an outcast. Just imagine if they go to Planned Parenthood’s website and see, under that same category I just viewed, the inclusion of asexuality as a valid orientation. That could save them the years I spent hating myself.
Asexual education, awareness, and inclusion is not a cry for attention or to ruin safe spaces. It’s not just about wanting to feel special or wanting to make things difficult. It is about making sure people can grow up and be assured that they are not broken, that they are not alone, and that their existence is acknowledged.
