Asexual Experiences

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Looking for Asexual People to Participate in a Survey

Hello, everyone. I am an asexual researcher investigating how asexual people talk about their sexuality with people who are not asexual, and how being asexual influences asexual people’s experiences in public spaces. As part of this study, I am looking for asexual people to complete an open-ended email survey related to this topic. The only requirements to participate in this survey are that you are at least 18 years old, can communicate with me through email, and identify specifically as asexual. This excludes people who identify as gray-asexual or demisexual. However, I plan to conduct future research including more people on the asexuality spectrum to better understand the effects of sexual attraction on lived experience. If you are interested in participating, or have any questions related to this research project, please email me at Thank you!

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Anonymous asked: I'm a girl and I identify as asexual. I have no inclination to do anything sexual with anyone. I do masturbate though. I know that has nothing to do with my sexual orientation but on occasion when I masturbate I think about a specific people of both sexes. I still have no desire to do anything with them in real life, it is purely fantasy. I was wondering if this might be some type of grey-asexuality, because I'm not quite sure that it is sexual attraction, though it seems as though it should be.

I’d like to direct you to Asexual Advice, as they are probably better at answering this question

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Anonymous asked: I have a friend who's asexual, who I've had feelings towards for a while now. I'm usually a really sexual person, my last 3 "relationships" have been essentially, sex with a friend (everything but the romance). I've been in a long, loving romantic and sexual relationship in the past. I really want to ask her on a date or something, I think there's something between us. I just don't know if it would ever really work though. For me being physically affectionate is a big part of love. Any advice?

First, the best point for asking for advice about all things asexuality is Asexual Advice. They are multiple persons from multiple backgrounds, whereas I am only a single person. Nevertheless, here are my thoughts about your ask: There are aces who do sex and there are aces who don’t sex. Those who are willing to have sex do this for a variety of reasons, for example because they enjoy it (keep in mind that sexual attraction and sexual arousal are two seperate things) or because they don’t have a problem with having sex and do it for their partner (I remember one post about a person saying that they like having sex with their partner for the same reason that they like to cook with their partner: it is about sharing something). Aces who don’t have sex can for example be repulsed by sex or, while not repulsed, don’t get anything from it. All you can really do is ask about what your friend thinks about it. Maybe she has no problem with doing sexual things with you (please keep in mind that her boundaries may lie somewhere where you wouldn’t expect them because she may perceive sex a bit differently). Maybe you’ll find that you two are completely incompatible with respect to sex. In any case, communication is key.

Just in case things get further with you two, there is a guide for how to have sex with an asexual person. While its points are generally applicable, it highlights a few things that should be especially considered when having sex with an aseuxal person.

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there’s 15 year olds on this website who already know they’re asexual that is incredible just incredible when I was 15 all I knew was that I was broken and that something was clearly wrong with me. say what you want about tumblr but I think we can agree that spreading knowledge about alternative sexualities is something done really well here and to the benefit of so many.

(via senthessa)

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What’s in a Name?


What’s in a name? A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.

False. If you called it “swollen angiosperm genitalia,” then no one would want to stick their nose in it.

Because, no matter how unbiased we try to be, the names we use for things - if we name them at all - influence how we think of them.

I spent about a decade of my life without any name for my sexual orientation. I learned that asexuality existed when I was around 10 or 11, but did not identify as asexual until I was 21. In the intervening time, my sexuality was nameless, vague, and uncharted. I assumed that I was straight, simply because that was the statistically most probable option, but I had no evidence to support that.

Asexual people are often asked why we need a name for our sexual orientation. Why should a lack of sexual attraction merit its own identity? Why do we feel a need to define ourselves, at least in part, by something that we do not have? What makes an explicitly asexual identity more attractive to us than no sexual identity?

Why do we feel a need to name a stem without a rose?

When I stopped calling my sexual orientation “unsure,” “don’t care,” and “I’ll wait and see” - and instead started calling it asexual, what was I doing? What changed?

I changed.

Read More

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Anonymous asked: Hi again - staying anon for now but somewhere in Canada. :-) I like your site by the way - just found it.

Thanks. Then, dear readers, does anyone have some knowledge about the practical and/or legal background regarding conceiving or adopting children as an ace?

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Anonymous asked: Does anyone have experience with conceiving (or, I suppose, adopting) children as an ace, either solo or as a couple? I recently married (a man) and we are both somewhere on the asexual spectrum. Time is of the essence as I am a 'less young' woman… I seem to be older than most people posting on ace groups, but there must be some folks out there with this experience!

Dear Anon, if you could send me another ask to state where you’re from, as this varies considerably from country to country.

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Anonymous asked: this might be intrusive so feel free to not answer, but do you have sex/are you sex-positive? if yes, did you ever question whether you were "really" ace? (though obviously you are either way!)


I’ve actually been carefully avoiding answering questions like this for years ahaha…and no one has asked me directly before, but lately I’ve been feeling more open and willing to discuss my personal experiences- especially since you asked in such a thoughtful way! <3

I identify as sex-positive in the sense of like- the sex-positive community. I think people should feel free to have any kind of consensual sex or not have sex and not be judged either way. I think that discussions involving asexuality are so essential for the sex-positive movement.

I do have sex. I haven’t been open to talking about it because I worry about not being seen as “ace enough” or whatnot, even though- for me it’s so clear that it’s not about sexual attraction. I have particular kinks that I’m into and it’s like- I don’t need to explore them with a partner, but it can be fun to do that, too. I am, however, sex-repulsed by doing things to other people, but this message has already been so overly “tmi” that I’m not gonna go into that.

I did, at first, question whether I was “really” asexual, but it was obvious to me that it wasn’t about sexual attraction. In fact, it’s like- if kink isn’t involved, I’m kinda like- oh, this is sorta boring, what’s the point? I suppose if anything having sex just- further confirmed my asexuality.